Welcome! Now please stop looking at me, eye contact makes me uncomfortable.

Here I come, wooden wheels clacking, my Ford Model T. achieving a dull roar as I careen semi-throttle into the 21st century. Yeah, that’s right---I’ve got a blog now. It’s no big deal. Your average grade schooler can create one, and probably already has due to some new public education initiative, no doubt. But I’m not your average grade schooler. Surely I possess the maturity level of one, but I have more rings around my flabby trunk than most, indicating a sage, experienced attitude and, more importantly, an undisputed 24 years on this Earth. I’VE GOT STORIES, DAMNIT! I've got knowledge out the fuckhole! I know how to pump my own gas, pay my own bills, buy my own alcohol (provided I can find a nearby liquor store that has not already prohibited its sales to me.) But do people wanna listen? Nah. A lot of times it’s because I’m unwilling to speak in public, but I still blame society for my personal problems. I have a lot to say, but do I take the initiative in getting out there and saying it? NO. I've got a lot of lofty, unrealistic goals, but do I make even half of an effort to pursue them, or perhaps level them down to an attainable degree? OF COURSE NOT.

And what have I been doing with my time on the planet? NOTHING. That’s why I created this blog, do you understand? I view having a blog as doing something productive, and that is perhaps the saddest indicator of my flat-lining ambition. Do I mind being an aimless slacker? Sometimes. Do I do anything about it? Hell no. That would be antithetical to my slacker nature. All I can hope for it that someone will read this writing some day and give me a bag of money so I can finally make something of myself, because you know what? I got dreams too, goddamnit. Ones that need to be subdued by ungodly amounts of Ambien.

And so I write. Enjoy the reads.